I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
