the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bring money and cleavage
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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