So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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