Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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