The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't deserve a penis
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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