at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
