id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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