his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
