to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
