She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
