don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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