My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
