So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
