U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
