Dual....:-)
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
