Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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