I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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