So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
