i just had sex bonerless
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
