Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Enjoy the penises
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
