do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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