I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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