Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
