I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
