thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
