Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
