Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
