can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The air was thick with penises
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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