my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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