well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Alive.
So much puke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
