you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
