I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
