I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
