I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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