my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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