I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
