Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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