Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
