Porn is love you can see.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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