Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
