just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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