her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
