3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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