I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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