he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
