i would punch a child for taco bell
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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