could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
