Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
