she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
