In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
