I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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