I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
