im about as happy as oj after his trial
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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