Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
