Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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