i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
