If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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