Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
