Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
