do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
