New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
